“WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME MY FRIEND? WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME?”

ABSTRACT: The story is set in a poignant setting where a thought-provoking conversation unravels the deeply buried insecurities and anxieties of the protagonist. Each question brings to the surface a perplexing nexus of grief, sorrow, guilt, and joy, only for the protagonist to realize that the words of an ally represent nothing but his own alter ego.

INTRODUCTION: Everything was commonplace that day until I passed that narrow alley. The penchant that had been suppressed so hard until now suddenly gushed in & what I embroiled in was the influx of bitter-sweet memories that nostalgia trickled in. The mundane moment was suddenly inundated with adrenaline and what I witnessed was an amalgam of thoughts, remorse and guilt at one moment while happiness and satisfaction followed in the very next. Believe me, I traverse through the alley every day; however, that day, I felt as if the alley wasn’t ready to pass through without atonement for my sins. I felt as if it was trying to say something... I heard something……. and what ensued thereafter was a barrage of questions hurled at me. “What have you become, my friend? What have you become? Have you forgotten the place where you first met? Have you forgotten the moment when her eyes met yours? Have you forgotten her smile? …. Let me remind you, I was an eyewitness to that extravaganza.” “Have you forgotten how a single smile of hers was enough to keep you happy in the months to come? Have you forgotten how you used to chuckle when you remembered that moment?” “The boy who used to smile a lot back then now smiles seldom. Why, my friend? Not only have you forgotten her smile, but also that of yours. Is the modern-day frenzy so ruthless that you become so docile and acquiescent? What have you become, my friend? What have you become?”

 I was stunned & speechless, but only for the moment, as the onslaught continued ceaselessly, “How did you let her go, if she was the love of your life? Wasn’t it your own youthful adventures that inculcated in you this haughty pride? Tell me, didn’t your egoistic traits become larger than that of the person itself? What have you become?” “If her absence didn't affect you, why haven’t you found solace in the others? Or was the solace that someone temporarily offered so immense, that the love of hers became miniscule in front of that? Don’t tell me you chose something ephemeral at the cost of something eternal. Isn't that the reason you became estranged? What have you become, my friend? What have you become?” My flabbergasted mind didn’t get the time to resuscitate as every question unravelled my deeply engraved anxieties. “Is the fear of losing someone has become so colossal to consume someone like you? What are you afraid of losing, my friend? Something that isn’t truly yours? or is it the guilt of losing someone who was once yours? Isn't it surprising that the almighty gave everything you yearned for, and still, you managed to lose everything? I can't decipher the rationale, my friend, how come the pragmatism of yours ceded his place to impatience? What have you become my friend? I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that I was not impatience. But somehow my voice was parched. I was immobilized to utter even a word… & the alley continued “Refute & rebutt to everyone including me…. & you will eventually vanquish every opponent, but how will you face your own self, how will you refute yourself? Will you trick your own psyche? Tell me my friend, tell me?? This wasn’t you my friend back then, what have you become? Years have passed and yet you are stuck there, what does that mean? People came and people went, and still, you struck there, what does that mean?” “Every aide of yours knows a story of yours, what did you tell them? The story of agony? When will you stop immersing in this lore of sympathy of yours my friend, tell me, when will you stop? What have you become my friend? ” “Come on, put down this façade, my dear comrade…how long will you fool people around you? People out there have misunderstood your industriousness as your primordial tendency.

Shall I  tell them the truth? Shall I tell them how escapist you have become that only to get rid of these thoughts?

“ You don’t care about what others think & feel, except one- the one apart from your family. Why that one has become so special, my dear friend? Is the person special enough or you are so weak that you can’t move ahead? Don’t tell me your guilt and remorse have plagued you because you lost the diamond in search of the gold. Is this the guilt of losing something that could have been, truly yours? Or are you not ready to digest the bitter pill that you will never get her? Have long will you brood in these self-assuring heavens of yours my friend tell me? Years have passed, and everyone has moved on, but you have dragged me along with you? Where do you want to go, my friend? Where do you want to go?” and at that moment I realised that Alley spoke the voice of my alter ego. Upon realisation, I immediately reined in the thoughts that were let loose, but somehow voice grew manifold rather than plummeting. I was taken aback when I heard the same voice with a shrill pitch again.

 “Where do you want to go, my friend?”, and somehow, I woke up from my deep rumination, curtsey of another passerby, who happened to commute through the same alley. I greeted that passerby a plethora of times. He obviously didn't understand what he had done. He had delayed the apologetic chaos ...by letting my mind stop … by letting the alley stop. Realising that I would be late again, I rushed to catch the bus. Neither I had the time to turn back, nor the courage….

 looking at my fading image, the alley smiled awkwardly & muttered, “Only God knows how long will he stop here again … only God knows when will he smile again … What have you become my friend? What have you become?”